Slash, slash
by variousfaceddoctor
Summary: The Doctor attempts to take a dsy off but is instead captured by the ... Dalek Queen?
1. Chapter one – Suicidal

_Slash, slash_

_Chapter One – Suicidal_

"Here we are... Just the thing for a little stress relief! Listen up Universe…Today I am on holiday!" The Doctor whips off his leather jacket and tossing it on the roaming coat rack, reaches for a Panama from a storage space under the lounge seat. "Nothing better than a restful day on the sunny and beautiful beaches of Lornskien." He pops the Panama on his head. "No companions to fret over (at the moment anyway), no Daleks, no Voord, no apocalypses, no flesh eating viruses… Well … flesh eating viruses… Lornskien …it is behind the third moon of… No! It doesn't matter. I simply won't eat the trascot. No troubles today!" He reaches in to the lounge again and grabs a beach towel. "I am ON HOLIDAY!"

Yanking open the door with an ecstatic grin, The Doctor receives a face full of freeze as snow avalanches inside. "Fantastic!" he says, his grin ever so slightly losing its ecstasy while spewing snow. "I was afraid I would be bored."

Turning inside The Doctor shakes the snow from his T-shirt and jeans and strides to the center to punch a few buttons on the console. "T.A.R.D.I.S., my sexy devil with a blue dress on…" Turning from the console, he points the sonic at open snow filled doorway. "THIS is NOT Lornskien. Looks more like ... Siberia, Earth ... actually." He studies the sonic before returning it to his pocket, tossing the beach towel, and reaching for his leather jacket again. "What is going on here?" Pushing the door, The Doctor notices that the snow has blocked it open. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I am still going on Holiday."

Returning to the console, he opens a cabinet to the left of the view screen and tries to connect a cable from somewhere inside to a glowing cylinder in a recessed part of the lower console. "Oh that's right; I didn't replace the connector yet," he lamented while pulling tape from somewhere under the console and taping the cable to the glowing cylinders. "OK…" he announces to the void, pulling a lever on the console, "improvised snow removal device online and…?" With a glow seen though the open door, the snow surrounding the T.A.R.D.I.S. not only melts but also evaporates within seconds. "Fantastic!" The Doctor glances around. "Humm… It's more fun being brilliant when someone's there to fawn." Walking over, The Doctor almost has the door closed when he hears a robotic voice from outside start a hateful, metallic chant. "Exterminate, Exterminate, Exterminate, Exterminate".

Slowly he reopens door to peer out into the snow.

"Belay that order," announces a second voice as someone grabs The Doctor's arm and slams him into the doorframe. "You are under arrest for attempted suicide!" "What are you talking about? Who are …" Looking out into the melted snow surrounding the T.A.R.D.I.S., a boy (about 10?) in a wheelchair has a toilet plunger tied to his head, a strange electronic device attached over his mouth and is pointing a presentation laser pointer at him. The Doctor is both amused and bewildered with the sight, even as he feels the handcuffs being clamped down on his wrists from the intruder behind him.

"Who are you?"

The boy removes his mouthpiece and replies in a normal voice "Slash, Slash, you should know this already. For a grown up you suck at this." Replacing his mouthpiece, he continues in a Dalek voice. "Correct, you are suicidal. Why do you wish to be exterminated? What secrets are you hiding?"

"I'm hiding nothing. I am simply on holiday. Let's start over. Hello, I'm The…"

The Boy interrupts, "We are all too aware of who you are. You are The Doctor. Therefore, you are suicidal. I will escort you to the Dalek Queen for interrogation."

"I'm sorry did you just say, the Dalek Queen? That's a new one!…Fantastic, in fact... in a terrifying way. Where exactly is this …Dalek Queen?" The Doctor finally gets a look at the second person who appears to be a young man, perhaps twenty, in an early 1900s bobby uniform.

"You will meet Dalek Queen when you are interrogated," replies the boy. "Then you will be exterminated. Now march."

"Interrogation and extermination…definitely NOT on the holiday agenda."

The boy repeats "March!"

"Or what, you'll laser point me to death?"

The Bobby steps up, "Slash, Slash, identifying accessories outside of their applicable roles is forbidden. You may be suicidal but don't try to bring us down with you."

"Wha…Fine then!" He hands the handcuffs to the very surprised Bobby. "Let's go see the bloody queen." Throwing his Panama inside, he pulls the T.A.R.D.I.S. door closed with a slam. He walks up to the 'Dalek' boy while pulling his jacket close around himself and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I have all the time in the universe for a holiday. Which way?"

The bobby walks to a snow bank and opens a refrigerator door standing in the snow. "This way."

"Will you look at that!" The Doctor peers through the door and down the stairs. "It's bigger on the inside!"

"So where are… we… going?" asks The Doctor while noticing the 'Dalek' boy has left his wheelchair behind. "You know that's a dirty trick, trying to get sympathy with that wheelchair out there."

Both boys replied at once "You are being escorted to the Dalek Queen for interrogation," states the 'Dalek' boy.

"Slash, Slash, identifying accessories outside of their applicable roles is forbidden," states the bobby.

"Yes, yes I know we are going to see the Queen Dalek, you say," turning from 'Dalek' boy to the bobby, The Doctor continues, "What's all this 'Slash, Slash' stuff?"

The boys pause at the bottom of the stairs "She is in the control room," 'Dalek' boy answers. The Doctor turns to the bobby.

"And your answer?"

The bobby frowns, "Slash, Slash I think acknowledging the 'Slash, Slash' while in character would be the same as identifying accessories outside of their applicable roles, don't you think?"

'Dalek' boy removes his voice modifier. "Slash, Slash I agree."

The Doctors eyebrows raise in understanding. "While...in..character? In character! Oh you're playing a game! I see and …"

Both boys interrupt. "LIFE is NOT a GAME!"

"Well yes of course, life is NOT a game. You are correct. So we are not playing a game… Um but... we…er … I mean… Slash, Slash… we are characters, yes?"

'Dalek' boy removes his voice modulator again. "Slash, Slash, uh yeah?" The bobby chimes in, "Slash, Slash, you're right. He does suck at this."

The Doctor grins with satisfaction at his linguistic breakthrough. "…and Slash, Slash, what exactly do I (a-hem) suck… at?"

Dalek Boy pulls at his modulator again. "Life."

"Oh…fantastic."


	2. Chapter two – Dalek Queen

_Chapter Two – Dalek Queen_

The Doctor notices that the tunnel rises in elevation and soon he emerges in a building above ground.

In front of him is a pale white woman, sitting in an office chair surrounded by tables. Her hair had been recently cut because, although not exactly bald, her hair only shows about a week's worth of fuzz A long line of individuals in interesting costumes is waiting to see her. Some have better quality costumes than others but most of them are easily recognizable. In fact they all are. They are dressed as every type of being The Doctor has ever encountered. From Autons to Zygons; Axons to an individual dressed all in black and wearing a sign that said "Vashta Nerada", every person in line is dressed as a recognizable character, but not necessarily from this world or even this quantum.

"Um Dalaek boy, what is your designation?"  
>"Slash, Slash, identifying…"<p>

"STOP, wait. OK…uh…Oh…Dalek, what is your designation?"

"I am Dalek!"

"OK, how can I identify you? No, wait! … Slash, slash, how can I identify you?"

"Slash, slash. Uh, I'm only a drone. Just call me Dalek, dummy."

"Ok, good, fantastic. Dalek, I suppose that she is the Queen, yes? What is she doing? Why this line of petitioners?"

"The Queen governs the Daleks and the non Daleks. The non Daleks are expendable but are useful. The Dalek race must survive. The Dalek race must grow."

The Doctor takes a quick scan of the chamber with his sonic screwdriver. "And these non Dalek are useful in continuing to grow the Dalek race."

"That is correct. Non Daleks are resources that are expendable but resources should be used, not wasted."

"Well, you lot learned something since Skarow then, eh?"

Dalek looks inquisitively at the Doctor while the bobby, who had approached and spoken to the Queen, turns and announces, "The Queen will see The Doctor now!" A scattered murmuring arises from the line of petitioners as they shuffle backwards. Several appear to press against the wall in shock and perhaps fear. The Queen rolls back from the tables and surveys The Doctor from toe to head as he is lead forward,

"Why have you chosen to commit suicide?"

The Doctor grins and shakes his head in amusement. "Uh…Slash, slash… I am not suicidal…" His grin fades as he observes the bugged eyes of the public. His oratory with the Queen had been distracted when the room pressure changed as every person in it aside from himself, audibly and simultaneously gasped. Pulling his hand aside his mouth and leaning to the bobby, he asked, "I performed some sort of faux pas didn't I? Slash, sla…"

"Slash, Slash. No one," the bobby broadcasts indignantly, "addresses the Queen, out of character!"

"Slash, Slash, …but rules are stated out of character."

"Slash, slash, yes."

"Slash, slash, but they apply both in and out of character."

"Slash, slash, yes."

"Slash, slash, then why state them out of character at all?"

The bobby takes a glance at the Queen. "Slash, slash, because …"

"Silence," commands the Queen.

"Ah yes, I will not address YOU out of character again, Queen." Another gasp goes up in the room. But with a sweep of the Queen's eyes, any plans for murmurs are squelched. Majestically, she rises from her chair and nods towards the Doctor.

"Enough games Doctor. What exactly is your mission?

"I don't have a mission. Especially not today, I had planned to take a holiday, but my transportation had other ideas. Then I was arrested for being suicidal and now find myself before the one and only, that I know of anyway, Dalek Queen. So I was wondering, why exactly would I be suicidal?"

The queen sat slowly and smiled, "You would most likely be suicidal, because you choose to be The Doctor."

"Because I choose to be… but I am The Doctor, I do not have to choose to be."

The murmurs started again from the sidelines.

The Queen continues "But, could you attempt to be someone else."

"You mean pretend to be another person, or … character."

"Yes, and were you to chose to be you, Doctor, you would choose to be sentenced to death. Therefore, you are suicidal."

The Doctor did not grin. "Oh Queen, you are mistaken. I have chosen to be myself several times. In addition, I have faced a death sentence more times that I can count which is much higher than you can count. Simply choosing to be myself does not mean that I have a death wish. I am not suicidal. For me to be suicidal I would have to believe that you are capable of actually killing me. And many Daleks with superior technology and much better armor than you have tried and failed."

The Queen, raises her hand as the Doctor finishes his rant and waves it dismissively.

"Whatever. Shoot him."

"Come with me Doctor." The bobby replaces the handcuffs on The Doctor and secures them tightly. "You have been found guilty of being suicidal by role-playing as The Doctor. The sentence is death, to be carried out without delay. Slash, slash, immediately after execution, you are to report to the telepathic ministry prior to login processing."

"First things first, Constable, but you appear to have them out of order. I can respect that. Uh, Slash, Slash, why would you tell me where to report to after I expire? Wouldn't that be someone else's responsibility?"

"Slash, Slash, absolutely not. You have wasted too much of my day already. Just go get certified, reboot your login, and choose a more suitable character.

The bobby opens a door and allows The Doctor to pass. "After you."

"Thank you," The Doctor replies passing through the door and returning the bobby's handcuffs again. "So, slash, slash, certification is granted by the telepathic ministry which will ensure that I am…"

"Slash, Slash, mentally stable of course. After all, you chose to be The Doctor. What character did the Queen assign you at login anyway?"

"She did not assign me a character. I have always been The Doctor."

The bobby stopped in the center of a corridor and placed a tag on The Doctors coat. "Bang, you're dead. Slash,slash, third door on the right. Have a nice day."

The Doctor looked down at the tag and read the word 'Deleted'.

"Wait…Slash, Slash wait." The bobby continues back the way he came.

"Oi, then I guess you haven't heard about regeneration then." He says quietly as he rips the tag from his coat. "Time to get some answers." Turning, the Doctor walks the other direction looking for another way out.

Eventually he hears footsteps. The Doctor cautiously peeks around the corner to spy a man dressed in garb of course and resembling a Macra with large claws made of cardboard and gardening tools. The Doctor steps around the corner and strides over to him. "Slash, slash Excuse me. Can you direct me to the library?"

The man smiles at him. "Slash, slash , do you mean the historical halls?"

The Doctor nods an affirmation.

"Why it's in archives of course, six floors up in the east wing. But, why would you be headed there?"

"Just doing some research for a new character."

"Oh? Must be in support of theQueensservice, aye?"

The Doctor laughed, "Well can you think of anyone else who assigns characters?"

"True. You know, I think she only made me a Macra because she needed more to gather fuel."

"Well that makes sense, because there is a kind of gas that is vital to the Marca, but last time I met them, they were brainwashing others to do the work for them."

"Ya, I asked about that in consultation. They said if I could get someone else to do the work for me, to go right ahead." He waves a few claws around in front of him and stares at The Doctor while speaking in an unnatural gravely voice. "You will work for me. I am your master."

The Doctor turns and walks away. "I am immune to your brainwashing techniques, Macra."

The Macra resumes his commute. "Slash, Slash, had to try. Have a nice day."

Continuing further down the hall, the Doctor finally sees the universal sign for stairs. He pauses for a moment to ensure that he has not missed a universal sign for elevator. Pushing the door and finding it sealed, he whips out his sonic and makes quick work of the lock. Pushing through the door, he looks up at the dimly lit and poorly painted stairwell. "Six floors, fantastic," he sighs.


End file.
